A Few Handpicked Letters #13

I found these beautiful beings, called Glimmers :)

Dear Reader,

I started writing this letter during the first week of July, worked on it for a few days, but I couldn’t bring myself to finish it. Sometimes, life gets in the way. Sometimes, you get in the way. And that is okay as long as we acknowledge that these moments and feelings will pass. So here I am, rewriting the introduction to this letter because the feeling has passed, and there are letters to be sent out. :)

Somewhere between ‘I want to write letters and send out’ and ‘Will people like them?’, I found ‘These letters matter’ and I will give them my best. You matter. I matter. I know that people are busy, and sometimes they don’t have the time to read these letters. But if you are reading this, the Universe wanted me to send this to you.

I am keeping the dates on which I came back to this letter, to keep it real.

4th July 2023

I am writing from a cozy café in Kochi, waiting for someone I will be meeting for the first time. There are so many firsts happening in my life during these days. I don’t remember writing from a café. I have read in cafes, I have journaled, but writing this letter from a café feels so dreamy to me. This café is situated bang in the middle of a highway, with so much greenery in and around. I am sitting in one corner of the café, my legs up on the couch, the laptop on my lap and my journal on the side. The words flow.

Writing from a cafe in Kochi

The rains have subsided, and there is this beautiful after-rain freshness to the city. A pause before the next rains.

Dear Reader , I am learning to find and hold on to moments like these. To tell myself that this is life too, and that it is beautiful. I am learning to hold onto these thoughts, turning them into words, and stringing this letter that I am writing to you. You reading this letter, finding calm in it, is life too, and it is beautiful.

If you read my previous mail, I told you that I was going through an extremely difficult time in my life. I did not mention what it was, except that it was grief. It has been a month and the severity of it has reduced. There is still so much weight that I carry around. But recently, I am able to find these micro-moments of joy, which I couldn’t find earlier. Beautifully enough, someone gave it a name, ‘Glimmer’.

8th July 2023

Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. I have been pausing and noticing glimmers around me and have even been trying to hold on to a few. During other times, I approach people, talk to them, and they point out these glimmers to me.

1. That moment in the café when I found calm in the rain-washed streets and in the thoughts that turned into this letter :)

2. I went grocery shopping with my mother and sister. It is always beautiful to go grocery shopping with friends or family because your mind is focused on the things you need, and then on the things you want (chips, coke, chocolates, cocktail mixes) which is where the high lies. And when you shop together, you help each other out, plan to cook together, or perhaps plan to watch a movie together, and buy some nachos. All glimmers.

3. I took pictures of plants, leaves, fallen flowers and rain

   

4. I ran. I swam. I drove. During the times I found that I couldn’t handle my mind, I worked on my body, which in turn calmed my mind. Trust me! It is a hell of a work pushing myself out the door. But once I am out, I am all in! Outdoors have that embracing quality.

5. Found a new eatery, and the food was so good that it brought in a little light and warmth inside of me.

   

6. Ate food that I normally love, ate chocolates, took sips of Coca Cola or Coffee even when I didn’t want them, only to realize that they warmed me.

7. Celebrated the little moments. I drove in the rains for the first time, wrote this letter in a café for the first time.

8. Celebrated the big moments. Learnt how to do somersault in the swimming pool. Learnt how to dive.

9. Dressed well and went for a wedding.

10. Took mundane pictures and videos. Capturing beautiful moments and videos make my heart smile.

    

    16th July 2023
    

11. Amma ordered dark chocolate for me, because she knew I liked it.

12. Went to Kozhikode for a few days to meet a friend, and I saw his version of Kozhikode. I stayed with his family, met his friends, frequented his tea shops, his temples, and walked through his streets. I have never done anything like this before, it was so refreshing!

Dear Reader, over the past few weeks, I read so many random things, spoke to so many people, listened to podcasts and I found some amazing motivational thoughts some of which didn’t stay with me, as time and mind have weird ways of erasing these thoughts. But some others kept coming back to me. One of them was this: You cannot put your life on pause for a long time. You need to start/continue living.

I think we are all doing that. We may not realize this, but we are moving forward in our own way, at our pace. But sometimes we need reminders that say, ‘Hey! You ARE moving forward. See! You have come so far!’. And at other times, we need nudges to let us know that the pause in our lives has gone on for a little too long, that life shouldn’t be a part of the pause, but the pause should be a part of life.

This mail is that reminder for those of you who need it. This is the glimmer I am sending your way. This mail; a firefly in your mailbox, momentarily lighting up your insides.

Sending you Love, Thought-hugs, and Glimmers ,

Ranjini S ✨