A Few Handpicked Letters #3
Of Personal Growth Milestones
Dear Reader,
Hey! Look at that! I have sat down for the third newsletter within a week’s time! I love how I am able to commit to it. By the time it is Saturday, my mind is like an alarm that goes off saying ‘You need to write your Newsletter!’ and this strange joy spreads through me. I have been blogging since 2010, and I have never been this psyched to write frequently.
Last week had been a week of revelations about myself.
I caught a cold, (I have always thought that it is a weird phrase! More like the cold caught me) and I went through a rigorous exorcism procedure of anointing myself with Vicks Vaporub, taking steam at least five times a day (I am not exaggerating!), gargling salt water, and walking around with a towel in hand at all times for the gazillion sneezes and runny nose! I keep getting this feeling that post Covid, healing has become slow. Earlier, if the cold caught me, (hehe) I’d be completely fine by the fourth day. Today, it is the fourth day and I am still battling a blocked nose, and sneezing into the towel. But there was one thing different about my illness this time. I was happily sick.
In my previous newsletter, I mentioned that the past couple of years had been difficult for me. The Covid years hit us all differently and I found myself gasping for air in all manners possible. Society has a way of scaring you into falling in line. For someone who is in her early thirties, unmarried and not very satisfied with her line of work, it could all get so overwhelming so soon. When this happens during lockdown, it gets difficult to catch a break due to social distancing rules. After some time, it wasn’t about what the society was telling me, but it was about what I was telling myself. Somehow their voice had become my voice and yet, I knew that it wasn’t MY voice. So there was a constant battle in my head. The worst times were when I got sick. One time, I got so sick and the voice got so loud that I knew it was time to get help. And so I did.
It has almost been a year. All this while, I have been scared to be by myself when I got sick. But last Thursday, I came home extremely sick from work. I called in sick on Friday and for the last three days, I have been a darling doll, all by myself! I have been eating well, taking my medicines and doing that whole exorcism process that I mentioned above. I have been exercising once I got better, I am drinking water, writing a lot, and most importantly, watching my thoughts.
That last part, watching my thoughts, was something I learnt at therapy and from my sister. I am a huge overthinker. You have no idea! I can cry on cue because I have thought of all the worst case scenarios that could happen to me and my loved ones so much that I can turn a switch on, and cry! But I am learning to not dwell on those thoughts. The moment I begin crying, I tell myself that these thoughts don’t serve me in any way (again something I learned in therapy) and I move on to doing something better. I did not learn this overnight. For the kind of overthinker I am, it took a lot of practice to be able to make this switch. Which is why, the fact that I was happy when I was sick and alone is a huge achievement in my life. A milestone!
Heck! We celebrate graduation, marriage and having children as milestones. But more importantly, we should celebrate changing habits, regressive patterns, sticking to good habits and milestones we achieve in those. I think I might be on to something substantial here. Don’t you think so? For now, let us, this little community of seven people stay with this thought - of celebrating personal growth milestones. What would be your personal growth milestone and how would you celebrate it?
Speaking of milestones, when I started this newsletter, I contacted four of my loved ones and asked them if they would subscribe to it. They are my treasured first subscribers who have been my pillars. Including me, I had five subscribers. But last week, I got two more subscribers and I was so excited to find the notification in my mail.
Dear Krishnachandran and Sheriene, you both made me smile when you subscribed to my newsletter. This has been a dream of mine for years, and knowing that someone voluntarily wants to read my newsletter makes my heart flutter. Thank you so much. Sending sunshine and rainbows your way.
I am ending today’s newsletter here. I have a lot of exciting things to tell you, which I will, in the upcoming newsletters. I have included the picture of some happy, yellow flowers I found during my walk today. I was hesitant to click them at first since it was right outside someone’s house. What if they didn’t like it? On second thoughts, I went back and took a picture. After all, they are flowers and isn’t their purpose to spread joy?
So, what did you think of my letter today? Are you an overthinker? How do you deal with negative thoughts? Also, do let me know about the personal growth milestones you may have.